28.

slowly floating up out of a black place, I see gray......no sunlight, but somewhere light is finding its way in....I come up from two days with the blanket over my head, and wander out into the yard looking for a reason to hang around. A little gray lizard stopped to talk to me...he asked to be painted sky blue...he never wanted to be gray in the first place...

Tell me about it, I say.

Great, a gray lizard is my muse......figures.

Not Iris, the rainbow queen, nor a bubbly water nymph, just a little gray guy.

but, I like him....he looks me in the eye and sympathizes...the least I can do is immortalize him.

Listing my blessings does not help. This is not feeling sorry for my self...this is an imbalance inherited from my family. I am middle of the road...neither the worst off of them, nor the best.

Trying to figure out why I'm hiding under his desk, the doctor asks, Does your husband abuse you? (He's constantly fiddling with his new computer.)

NO...and DO NOT ASK ME THAT AGAIN. I've told you before we're fine....but he follows the program on his computer, asking the same old questions....I flip through my magazine in the dark shadows. He never looks at me.

(Have you lost any weight?

Yes, I now weigh a hundred and three.

Good, he says, still not looking at well nourished me, and dutifully types it in.)

(in my dreams)

It is what it is